The Kind Of Transformation I Need In Life

Life is so different now that I’m facing the real working-life.

I can never compare my working & studying-life. I never want to. They’re both different and both have their own exciting & upsetting parts.

When I was still in college-life, I watched how my friends were struggling due to their new working-life and many of them said to me ‘You’re lucky to be here (in college), working-life is sucks’.

Now that I’m living the working-life that I really wanted to, I finally feel all the struggles they’ve been talking about. To be honest, it is all never been easy for me (and perhaps for everybody else, too). Working overtime even on the weekend, overload jobs, deadlines, strict client, etc, etc.

However, still, the most difficult thing is connecting with people. I learn that communication is the root of everything in this working-life. And that, my friends, ain’t easy to deal with at all. I’m facing new people with different kind of characters, way of thinking, perceptions, ambitions, and even different languages. So many barriers to overcome. I didn’t say they are bad things. Communication among colleagues could brings amazing things, too. I learn that even the slightest smile could even brighten up someone’s mood drastically. It’s just that sometimes I find it really challenging.

I hate to misunderstand people, and either way.

The most exhausting part of this, is to keep all the people not misunderstanding things of me, or what I said, or what I did. Whenever people misunderstand, they got upset because things are not the same as their expectations. I then, end up trying hard to please everyone all the time by meeting all of their expectations. However, apparently that is not a wise thought. Now that I’ve been almost 2 years working, I’m already at the point where I can’t please my own self because pleasing everybody else is already too exhausting for me. In the end, people got upset, too. Because no matter how hard I tried to keep the misunderstandings away, they are somehow unavoidable.

Working-life is indeed very helpful for us, to understand more about the relationships between human being. But sometimes, it could be so stressful. People who couldn’t express their anger and the ones who keep maintaining their kind attitude all the time are the worst kind of people in this cruel human being relationship. They are placed in the very bottom of the office’s food chain. Others take them for granted easily. They play safely, don’t want to hurt anybody, and are afraid to be judged. Eventually, these will lead them to disappointment on their own self whenever they let other people down. Even if it’s actually not their mistakes. I’m judging myself that I belong to those two kind of people. That’s why working-life is so stressful for me.

Because of those things, I realise that something has changed in me. I’m no longer the naive Kiky or the kind-hearted Kiky that I heard a lot during my college-life time. I can’t please everybody. No matter how hard I tried to please everyone, there’s always somebody else that got upset. Slowly, I’m starting to express all of my feelings freely, including anger and disagreement. I’m starting to show people who I really am. I feel a little better because I could relieve the emotion that I kept. Even though sometimes I would feel bad, too.

Of course, I was afraid (in fact, I still do). Because people might don’t accept me as who I am. Connecting with people is all about accepting and tolerance. When you accept their weakness/differences, you will be connected easily to them. it’s just a matter of how long you could tolerate those weakness or differences. However, getting accepted sometimes needs quite a long time for some people with bad communication skill, or having a lot of communication barriers (for example: speaking different language). It’s difficult, but worth a try.

Now that I can express my feeling properly, I’ve become more at ease. I learn that it is actually fine to say ‘No’ to people, they won’t suddenly un-friend me just because I said that. The most important thing is, it is okay to be judged. I learn to accept that no matter what people judge me, it is what I actually feel inside that matters the most. They can judge me as they like, but I shall never feel that I’m a disappointment. I shall never let my self down just because people think that I’m a failure. I should be the one who has the control of what I’ll become in the future. Failure is one thing, but I got a lifetime to learn and be a better version of my self.

Working-life lets my self changed, a better change. It is indeed the time and place to learn how to understand the communication between human being. It’s also the time and place for me to learn that it is never too late to be myself. I feel relieved that I have transformed my self to be someone that I want, to be more human.



To those people who are struggling the same kind of problems like mine, it’s never too late to change. Have courage on yourself because everybody deserves the same chances to live their life fully.



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